The next chapter!

September 4, 2008 at 8:17 am (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , )

Well, it’s all crazy now. I just found out through an old friend of my girlfriends that my ex wife is 4 months pregnant. We just found out that she had a new boyfriend last month when my daughter posted a bulletin on MySpace that said

You  Know What’s Really Nasty?

Nasty is when your Mom and her boyfriend are making out in the corner and giggling and being all around nasty. also its nasty when you Mom asks your opinion on her sex clothes. thats like potentially scarring……….damn it, I don’t know if it’s better or worse that they are completly silent now!

They were in a friends living room that they were visiting in another town when this happened. This is not the first time that we have heard about her Mom’s inappropriate sexual exhibitions in front of my daughter…and not the first time the court has heard about it. This time Child Welfare Services is going to be involved. Chances are, that as usual, they will say that “She didn’t mean to.” She (my ex) never means to do any of the things that she does.

She didn’t mean to stand there in court and say that she was making the 14 hour drive to my house to pick my daughter up from her last Thanksgiving visitation…insisting over and over again that she was driving….so that she could get a day knocked off my visitation (visitation that used to be 50% and has now been whittled down to 11% per year) She used that my daughter would be tired for school if she had to make that drive the Sunday before. The judge even told her she could fly or drive my daughter…she insisted that she was driving.

She already had the plane flight booked….to another town….because she was visiting friends for the weekend and wanted my daughter to join her.

The judge made three orders that day and threatened me with contempt if I violated any of them….the added my ex into that threat as an after thought!

1. That my ex turn my daughter over to my fiancee at 9am that morning.

2. That my ex DRIVE to my house and pick my daughter up.

3. That my child be in school at 9am on Monday morning.

My ex refused to let my fiancee have my daughter until almost 1pm. Now understand that my finacee had driven over 800 miles to be there and had only had about an hours sleep before court….so waiting all that extra time and then driving with my daughter was not what you would call safe.

We found out when my ex dropped my daughter off that she had already booker her flight home…..well what we thought was home. We found out later that week that she already had a flight booked when she told the judge that she was driving and had to change it because the judge only cut my visitation short one day instead of the two my ex asked for.  ( we proved this beyond a shadow of a doubt in court) And like I said….she didn’t fly her home….she flew her a 10 hour drive from home and drove to meet her there.

My daughter was not in school that Monday. They didn’t get home from the other town in time.

We filed contempt charges……The judge first tried to blame me…make it be my fault that she violated all these orders and lied. (Did I mention that I live 16 hours from the court house and they allowed her to serve me on Wednesday afternoon at 4pm to be in court Friday morning at 8am) My ex lives 2 hours from court. Did I mention that my ex was late for court……and that the judge tried to say since she wasn’t in court (her attorney was) she didn’t hear the orders and tried to use that as an excuse…luckily I had the transcripts that proved she heard it all and agreed to it all………..She didn’t do any of that intentionally, according to the judge.

During this hearing we were also supposed to be discussing a custody modification as well as the contempt and my ex’s motion to take away some of my 11% visitation. In California statute says that if a parent asks for “joint custody” that the only reason a judge can deny it is if the other parent proves abuse, and if the judge does deny it he/she has to put it in writing why…. Well abuse was not mentioned and never has been. I asked in declaration and verbally that if that joint custody motion was denied that the judge state his reasons why in writing. It was denied…..nothing in writing. He gave my ex most of what she wanted. Insured that I never have a full weekend with my daughter….and said she didn’t mean to vioalte all those court orders. (There were 6 counts of contempt and 1 count of perjury before him that day, I proved all counts.)

I got two emails that my daughter wrote entered into evidence that day. One in which she stated that she wanted to come live with me and the other detailing an incident in 2004 in which she called me hysterical wanting to come live with me because my wife was having sex in front of her with her boyfriend du jour and had “promised that she would not do that anymore.”

The judge apparently ignored them both……I was asking for 60/40 custody…The judge (the third judge in a row to do this) first said he was not going to change the orginal order…then changed it.

Did I mention that there are 8 possible judges and 1 commissioner that can hear this case….so far in two years we have had the commissioner and 5 of the judges. (we did get one judge recused, but he tried to hear the case anyway, which caused me to have to stay there for an extra 3 days and miss a whole week of work.)

Well now…we come to the ex, her new boyfriend and the new baby. They are trying to get my daughter to agree to this guy adopting her. My ex has been making my daughter hide this realtionship from me for about a year. We know this because the truck they were driving when they dropped my daughter off last month was his and the same truck my ex was driving last Thanksgiving when she dropped my daughter off. She has not let us come to their house to pick my daughter up in over a year…so he must have been living with them and she was hiding that from welfare and DCSS. (we just found out today that shes off welfare.) Now she has an excuse to claim 0 income…she’s pregnant and he is going to support her. We only found out that this guy existed because of the bulletin my daughter posted. We found out about the pregnancy because a friend in a band did a show for the production company that my ex works for and he saw her and met her.

I can’t wait to hear the excuses the judge makes for her this time!

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2 Comments

  1. blogger incognito said,

    Dear Friend,

    Sadly the family courts injustice system is rampant all over the US. The system is primitive and pretty much allows, whomever the crappy parent is, to have all of the right. My daughter’s dad has gotten aways with unbelievable things, as well as my husband’s ex-wife. What do we do? How do we change this? It’s absurd, unbelievable and the kids are the ones that get hurt in all of this. Being a child of divorce, myself, I can attest to the injustices.

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. Things my husband and I have done to cope are buying a really big punching bag and teaching ourselves boxing to relieve the tension. It doesn’t hurt if you happen to have the ex-s pic attached to the punching bag as a target point. We’ve also learned to live on ramen noodles and water because he’s paying so much child support and I’m not receiving any, his ex won’t even buy is daughter underwear! The other thing I’ve done that has helped is to start a blog, which you’ve already done. There is a wonderful blogging community here online that shares our pain.

    Good luck, friend.

  2. mustang200 said,

    You are right, this sort of thing is much more difficult for the children involved. My daughter is now shutting down and won’t talk to anyone. She puts most of the blame on me because my ex has brain washed her into believing that it was I that didn’t want to see her. During the time that her mother cut off contact my fiancee and I sent her many letters and post cards and packages trying to maintain contact. We never received a response to any of them. My daughter says she got them…but sometimes I wonder if she got them all. I feel like my hands are tied and that if I go back to court they’ll find a way to take away more visitation.

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